It's a Reflex
by laughuntilyoucry
Summary: War has its victims, and no one is left untouched. Or, three times Tenzin and Lin find comfort in each other, and three times their walls are weakened. Linzin.
1. Chapter 1

_**I will be brief, if I can. I recently started watching the Legend of Korra, and I was really captivated by the relationship between Tenzin and Lin. I would like to state that I do not, in anyway, hate Pema, though I will say that I feel she lacks development and character, which can be put down to the writers. I just feel that Lin and Tenzin have a more interesting relationship, and I do enjoy angsty pairings, unfortunately. Anyway, during the seasons I felt that there were several instances that I would've liked to explore more, which is where this came from. There will probably be about 3 chapters. **_

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><p><strong><em>Disclaimer: The characters and the storyline are not mine, just the idea. <em>**

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><p><strong><em>It's a Reflex <em>**

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><p><em><strong>1.<strong>_

She feels empty. She doesn't know how else to describe it. Empty and vulnerable, and blind, so blind, she sits there with her feet splayed on the floor, and she cannot sense it, the earth beneath her feet is hard and cold and unforgiving, it does not speak to her, and it is a loss that pulls at her heart strings, an empty gaping hole that aches and aches and the burn creeps up her throat, prickles behind her eyes. She has been sitting there for what feels like hours, hours, hours with this empty feeling in her chest, in her bones, she feels cold, everything feels cold, and she has not tried to resist the knowledge that her bending has gone since she was thrown into that cell, she has not tried again since her freedom, and she never will, she cannot keep pretending to herself or it will destroy her.

They've won, Amon is gone and any benders left in the city, in the world, are safe, safe from having part of them removed, she feels like someone has split her soul in two, and perhaps she isn't far off, she knows how important the spiritual side of bending is, knows that the two are interconnected and she's lost her bending, lost part of her, and it feels, it feels….

It feels like losing her mother all over again. It feels like that day she found her mother gone, things packed, house empty and cold, no warning, no note, no explanation, it is the one thing she has never forgiven her mother for, because it was not the leaving that broke her, but the abruptness of it, she's always prided herself on not being sentimental but god did that hurt, the absence of a goodbye, it felt like losing her mother, it felt like she'd gone for good and part of her knew that she had, and she gave up hoping a long time ago, and this, this feels like losing all over again. Aang once told her that everything, everything was interconnected and she'd taken that to heart, and years after her mother's departure she'd felt like she was still connected to her, that as long as the earth spoke to her in the same way it spoke to her mother things would be okay.

And it is gone. Gone. Her mother is gone, her sister is gone, and now her connection to both of them has been taken from her and it is a grief she can't explain, a rage that is fruitless, she wants to break something, to get her hands on Amon and tear him to pieces, she wants to curl into a ball and sob until she can no longer feel her broken heart, but she's stuck half way between doing both and doing nothing, and she's stiff from sitting still for so long.

She digs her heels into the dirt, scuffs the soil with her toes, and it feels strange and unfamiliar, the grains seem lifeless beneath her feet now.

A knock at her door startles her, a shock that runs through her body, she is on her feet before she's quite aware of what's happened, and it's because she didn't sense them coming, whoever they are, and she's so, _so_ aware of how vulnerable she is now that she sits down again heavily, grips her arms tightly, her skin is cool beneath her fingers, she wants to be left alone but she doesn't , she can't stand the silence any more but she doesn't want to talk about this, she's confused and god help her she's frightened, and the burn behind her eyes has returned and she can't stop it.

'Lin?' She knows that voice too well to doubt who is standing on the other side of her door, and she can picture him, leaning forwards, brows lowered in concern, hand raised to knock again, and it strikes her that the door is unlocked, unlocked because she's so used to being able to lock it with her bending that she forgot to do it when she entered, and it's just another thing, another minor thing that has been removed from her, and it's becoming too much, she can feel the end coming, her walls were built from earth and metal and they're gone now, and her emotions are wild and churning in her heart.

'It's open'. She beckons him in and she hates how fragile she sounds, how her voice is cracked and rough and weak, it's like Amon removed her ability to remain strong when he took her bending.

Tenzin steps in without a word, but he doesn't need words today. He is a stoic man sometimes, he learnt from her after all, he learnt how to hide how he was feeling when he needed to, but today his expression is so raw and feeling that she turns her head away, unable to look at him, unable to see it, the emotions she can read so well, she doesn't want to see his guilt, the way it screams at her from across the room, he blames himself for this, guilt burns in his eyes, weighs down his steps as he walks towards her, and she closes her eyes as if in defence, she doesn't know what to say to him and doesn't know if she cares.

The bed creaks when he sits beside her, and she has a vivid memory of this, years ago, with the scars on her cheek still bandaged and raw, with betrayal burning in her chest as her sister departed the city forever, and Tenzin had remained with her, he hadn't spoken a word, and there'd been nothing to say, but his hands and his lips had voiced things he could not say aloud, and it is strange to think that he is here to provide her with comfort again, years later in an entirely different situation and the laugh that bubbles up in her throat is broken and weak, it sounds pained and strained.

Tenzin touches her as if he is afraid of her reaction, a heavy callused hand on her shoulder, and she is startled by how warm he is, it feels like the only warmth she has experienced since her bending was taken away, and she cannot bring herself to part from it. His touch becomes more steady when she makes no move to rebuff him, his hand slides around her shoulders, his thumb moving over her skin in a way that she used to find comforting, but now it brings back memories of younger, happier days, a melancholy feeling that makes the burn in her throat intensify.

'Tomorrow we'll go to my mother', he sounds uncertain, uncertain that he should be giving her this hope, there is no way they can know if Katara will be able to help them, it is a hope that Korra clings to desperately, she could see it in the Avatar's eyes, and she cannot let her hopes rest on that, will not, and Tenzin knows that, knows her still despite all their years of separation. She shrugs, lets him see her doubt, and his hand tightens on her, the icy temperature of her skin concerns him, she concerns him, he has never seen her look so beaten and exhausted, so drained, and he's seen the same look in the other bender's who had their bending taken, it's like part of them is missing, he does not know that she can barely feel his touch on her skin, only a faint warmth that she craves. 'Lin… I…' he sounds so defeated, so broken, he sounds like he did in the days when Aang could not move from his bed, in the days before the end, it stirs long suppressed feelings in her and she wants to turn away but she does not, cannot, she feels cold and he is warm beside her and she needs something, needs some warmth, some proof that she can still feel without the earth beneath her feet.

'Don't blame yourself. I knew what I was doing. I would've done much more if it meant keeping your family safe, Tenzin'. It is a truth, and even though her efforts were vain, even though they were captured anyway, she wouldn't take her decision back. 'I'm just sorry it didn't do much'.

His fingers tighten, he is holding himself back, he wants to comfort her like he used to, it is a strange and abrupt feeling, but she's lost so much and he wants to hold her, he can see the brightness in her eyes and hear the dullness in her voice, and he wants to help, somehow, but there are years and years of bitter hurt feelings between them and he does not know if she would allow it. 'Don't, Lin. What you did… after everything… don't apologise, please. I cannot thank you enough, old friend'.

They were friends long before they were lovers, she has to remind herself of that, they sought comfort in each other when they were children, and this situation has been repeated time and time again in a different way, and perhaps it is that thought, a memory of a childhood in which he was never absent, that causes her to lean, it's a relaxing of the muscles and he does not flinch away when she leans into him, he pulls her tighter and holds her close, and it's a reflex, a reflex when his lips brush her forehead and neither think anything of it, he's not even sure if she notices. The feeling of holding her is familiar to him, and he's missed it, missed her, but he does not say that. 'I'm so, so sorry, Lin'.

His voice is a rumble against her ear, a rumble that reminds her of the earth and something in her snaps, snaps, shatters and breaks because she will never feel the rumble of the earth beneath her feet again and she'd long believed that she'd never have a moment like this with him again and she's lost too much and it is almost fitting that he is here but she cannot think any more because it is the last straw, the brush of his lips against her skin, it is warmth and heat against the ice in her heart and whatever self-restraint she had left is gone, her walls are gone, and she's sobbing into his shoulder before she's really aware of it, hot tears that burn on her skin and his arms tighten around her and she's missed this, missed him, and she can barely breathe for the emotions crashing over her.

And it's so against what she's always tried to be, strong, resilient, unbreakable, this is so unlike her that it is startling, but maybe it isn't, maybe it isn't, there are very few people in the world who have seen this side of her, the side of her that fears and worries and cries, the part of her that breaks with each officer she loses, the part of her that grieves behind closed doors, she is not emotionless and cold despite what some people may think of her, and this is a loss she'd never believed she could suffer.

Tenzin sits there with her, holds back his own tears, and she does not comment on them when they do fall, silently, sparsely, he sits there and holds onto her, arms wrapped around her back and she is thankful for his warmth, thankful that he does not say anything, she does not know what she will do if he speaks, her hands are fisted in his robes and he has a hand pressed against the back of her neck, fingers curling in her hair and he presses kisses to her forehead, to her temple, her cheek, little else matters outside this room to him at that moment, because Lin is the focus and Lin seems to need him and he has never stopped feeling for her, and the least he can do is be there to comfort her when she has sacrificed everything that she believes defines her for the sake of his family and their defences have weakened, hers have gone, and he brushes his fingers across her scars like he used to, presses kisses to them because he remembers that it comforts her, remembers everything about her no matter how long ago it was, the kisses he presses to her skin are comforting and warm and she can feel them, can feel him in this blank stretch of emptiness and silence, he is all she can focus on and she is thankful for that, she needs to feel something other than the dark emptiness inside her. When he does kiss her it is feather light and brief, their lips brush in a way that is chaste and hesitant, a ghost of what it used to be and it is almost unnoticed, almost, not quite, and Lin clings to him and cries, it is almost cleansing, and neither speaks a word.

He stays with her, keeps her from the cold, from the unfeeling emptiness growing in her heart, though she does not ask, and she is too tired to wonder what his wife will say, and he does not say that he has explained where he is. It reminds him of when they were children, limbs tangled, her breath against his neck as she sleeps, and he lies awake and laments at the hurt he never tried to mend, and wonders how he was able to fool himself for so long, wonders if he ever stopped loving her, knows that he has not, and tries not to think of what tomorrow will bring.

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><p><em><strong>So, what do you think? <em><strong>I apologise for any mistakes. <strong>_**_

_**I hope that it's not too out of character - I honestly believe that anyone who has their bending taken away would experience severe emotional **_**_trauma, and I don't really think that this is extremely out of character, but I'm not really sure. _**

**_I hope that I've described what they feel well enough - I'm trying not to rush it. And just to clarify nothing actually happens between them. _**

**_There will be two more chapters of this kind, and the next will be set at the end of the third season. the last concerns the future, and some of you may have an idea of where that's headed. _**

**_Anyway, I hope you liked it, please let me know what you think :)_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thank you to all those who reviewed the last chapter - I'm incredibly relieved that this has been received so well. **_

_**So I'm not quite sure how this turned out - it is a tricky thing, current Linzin, and I'm really hoping I managed to convey/do it well. **_

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><p><em><strong>A note - the amazing cover photo is by - mariannewiththesteadyhands - and this chapter is partly inspired by this other piece by her image95439687867. **_

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><p><em><strong>2.<strong>_

There is no chance of speeding up the healing process, not with Kya so badly injured and Korra barely able to move, so until his mother arrives he has little choice but to remain in bed. Tenzin has resigned himself to this knowledge, and he doesn't mind the quiet of the room they are using as the infirmary. It helps him to quieten his mind, helps him to relax, and his head is full of so many thoughts and feelings and images that he needs the silence.

He is not quite alone of course, his siblings lie in beds on the other side of the room, and their conditions are far worse than his, when his mother arrives he will demand that she sees to them first, he's never seen them so weak before. Kya's expression is pinched in pain, even in sleep, Bumi looks pale and drawn, and it hurts to realise how much he has lost, and how much he nearly lost that day at the air temple.

There is a scrapping sound at the window, and he barely has time to turn his head before Lin is climbing over the edge, and it's so unlike her and so unexpected that he laughs. It feels good, the laughter, however brief it may be, he feels like the feeling of doom and gloom pressing down on him will never leave. Lin narrows her eyes and crosses her arms, 'what are you laughing at?'

He shakes his head, raises his hands, he means no harm, but the smile is still playing around his mouth, 'I haven't seen you climb through a window since we were children'.

Her arms tighten about herself, she makes a noise that sounds like a grunt, 'well clearly you have no idea of the things you have to do to catch people sometimes'.

Tenzin's smile fades as he looks at her, she is holding herself rigid and unmoving, her knuckles are white where they grip her arms, and her lips are pressed together in a thin line. She seems to be holding herself back, from what he is not sure, but her expression is fixed, and her eyes churn with emotions he can't identify, they look almost wild. He can see little of her in the moonlight that spills across the worn floorboards, bathing her in silver and light, she is not wearing her armour, and it strikes him that she looks much smaller without it, though no less strong. 'Lin?'

Her jaw tightens perceptibly, her form sways backwards as if his voice was a physical force, her eyes close and suddenly she looks incredibly young standing there with the moon casting her in shadow, and he was wrong, she climbed into his room once when they were together and he is struck up a severe sense of déjà vu. His throat is tight when he speaks again, his rekindled (rediscovered, he's always known that they were there) feelings for her are so dangerously close to the surface these days, so dangerously close now, he can feel it like a physical force, a tight band around his heart that tugs when he looks at her, 'Lin, what is it?'

She breathes out slowly, there is a forced calm in the way she moves towards him, quietly, the boards do not creak beneath her feet, she is by his side in a moment, sitting on the edge of his bed, but she does not look at him, she stares at his siblings on the other side of the room, her brow furrowed, concerned, she has diverted his attention and he follows her gaze. 'How are they doing?'

He shrugs, winces, and does not miss her glance, 'better. Much better. They're still a long way off from full recovery, but they're much better'. It's true, they both managed to eat something a few hours ago, and Kya was able to bend the water they offered her, the trauma had done something to her bending momentarily, and to her ability to focus, and perhaps it was just exhaustion. Tenzin found the same thing happened to him, he was unable to do more than stir a light breeze, and in the chaos and the crowd when they first arrived he'd felt his heart stop, felt terror crash down upon him, and he'd made eye contact with Lin across the room and she read his expression in a flash, she was across the room and supporting him with a hand on his arm, talking to him in a low, steady tone, _breath, Tenzin, breath_, and he'd clutched at her without really thinking twice, she of all people understood how he felt and he was too exhausted and broken and scared to think of restraint.

There is a silence that is heavy and loaded, unspoken words and declarations and broken looks and a tentative hope that he cannot quell, and he wants to reach over and brush his hand across her cheek, to trace the scars marring her skin like he used to. But there is a storm brewing behind her eyes, she is radiating emotion that he can't identify, and he doesn't want to push her. Instead, he brings up something that has been bothering him for a while now. 'I see that Su is back?'

It's a question, because he's puzzled at it, and it was only once things had calmed and he'd been trying to focus on something, anything to keep his mind off the knowledge that part of his father's legacy has burned to the ground, and he fixed on that. He hadn't questioned it at all during the chaos, it hadn't even crossed his mind when he'd spoken to the woman, but when he had time to think about it he was left reeling, he hasn't seen Suyin in almost thirty years, hasn't seen her with Lin in that long, and the way they were interacting was vastly different from how he'd last seen them. It was almost startling, when the chaos settled, to see Su lean against her sister, head drooping to her shoulder, to see the younger woman's arms wrap around Lin's waist, to see the exhausted Chief of Police return the embrace just as tightly, he hasn't seen them act like that since they were children, before the distance grew between them.

Lin nods, but her focus is elsewhere, she sounds dismissive when she speaks, 'took thirty years but… things are getting better. I… I realised how much of a child I'd been'.

He opens his mouth to speak, he wants to tell her that she had every right to be upset, but the words lodge in his throat because he's suddenly so aware of the fact that everyone she has ever loved has hurt her, and the thought makes him feel sick, because he is part of that. She holds up a hand, as if she knows exactly what he is about to say. She speaks instead, in a soft tone that some people do not believe her capable of, 'how are you holding up?'

He moves to shrug, to dismiss her concern, but Lin's gaze sharpens into a glare, a warning look, she will not stand for it today. He sighs, scrubs his hand over his face, he was able to shrug off Pema's concern but Lin can see right through him. She knows him too well, knows what this loss means to him. 'Don't tell me you're fine, Tenzin. You're not'.

He takes a deep breath. 'No, I'm not. But I will be'. He means it, he will be alright, once the trauma has faded, once he has recovered, he will be fine. He has to be. He has to rebuild the air temple, and he needs to be there for Korra, god that girl has been through so much and she needs him whole and sound, not emotionally shattered.

'Will you rebuild it?' She doesn't question his answer, because she knows that it is true, knows that he will find a way to gather his strength and move on.

He nods. 'I'm not sure how, and it will probably take a long time, but I will. I must'.

'Maybe not. I talked about it with Su. I don't know how you want to go about doing it, but if you need our help rebuilding the air temple you need only ask'. It's the least she can do (the only thing), and she means it.

Emotion sweeps over him, grief over what has been lost, and he incredibly thankful. He reaches out and grasps her hand, trying to convey at least some of what he is feeling, 'thank you'. He sounds strange, his voice is horse and choked, but she flips her hand over and links their fingers together, squeezes his hand, trying to lend her support through that minimal contact, and it helps, it is like an anchor, he focuses on her touch and manages to calm his breathing, but he craves more of it, this physical connection that calms him but stirs all the chaotic feelings he has for her.

He's startled by it though; by the way her thumb runs across the back of his hand, tracing the arrow head tattooed into his skin. It's something that used to comfort him, her hands mapping their path down his neck, up his arms, across his shoulders; a shiver runs up his spine at the memory. He can almost feel it, the ghost of her fingers on his skin. But he is surprised by her actions, her jaw is clenching and tensing repeatedly, she clearly has something she wants to say, but he can see her struggle and he desperately wants to help, but he feels like he can't, he can't break the strange tension hanging between them, he cannot push her.

She swallows thickly, and when she looks at him there is something missing in her gaze, there is always a barrier present behind her eyes when she looks at him, it's very rarely stripped away, but it's gone now, gone, and it's like he can feel all her chaotic thoughts crashing down on him. 'You could've died'.

It's a loaded statement, it really is, he hasn't really thought about it (he has, he has, it's been lingering at the back of his mind since it happened) he's been more focused on trying not to think about the air temple, about what nearly happened to Kya and Bumi, but when she swallows again he realised how terrible he must've looked, how terrible he probably still looks, with this swollen features and bandaged skin. 'I… I know, Lin, I –'

'You scared the shit out of me'.

Her words hang in the air between them, ring in his ears, he is aware of how vulnerable they both are at this moment, in the quiet with nothing in between them, with no one to observe them, with their walls lowered and the memory of the last time they were alone together burning between them (nothing happened, there was a lot of crying involved, but they both remember that he kissed her, and it burns in their eyes).

He doesn't know what to say, and there are so many things he could tell her. He could tell her that the last thing on his mind when the Red Lotus had him cornered was her, was how she stood unyielding before Amon when they took her bending, refusing to give in and endanger the Avatar, he wants to tell her that, that her memory gave him strength, he wants to tell her that when she supported him her touch lent him emotional support to, he wants to tell her that, that… he wants to tell her that their rekindled friendship means the world to him. He wants to tell her that it's stirred far more dangerous feelings in his heart, feelings that were never quite lost. He wants to tell her that he still loves her, and that it's tearing him apart.

He doesn't. 'I'm here, Lin. I'm alive'. He doesn't know what else to say, his hand tightens on hers, and all he can focus on is her expression, on her eyes, they are shinning in the dim light, green and sharp and enchanting.

He isn't really aware of who moves first. They meet somewhere in the middle, her lips are soft under his, soft and demanding, they're kissing, desperately and messily, he has one hand buried in her hair, cupping the back of her head, and it feels just like he remembers, soft and smooth, curling around his fingers, this is just like he remembers, her lips are warm and inviting, she tastes like something sweet, a fruit maybe, and she smells like pine needles and earth, it is heady and overwhelming and one of her hands is pressed against his chest, it burns where she touches him, the other is still wrapped in his, and the turmoil in his head has stopped, skidded to a halt, his mind is quiet and still and everything about this feels to _right_ and he uses his grip on her to pull her closer and she makes a sound at the back of her throat that he hasn't heard in years and it sparks something in his stomach, a burn that spreads all over his body, numbs his wounds, and god he loves her, he loves her.

She is the first to break away, and he expects her to say something, expects protest or regret or something, but she presses kisses to his face and he can hear her murmuring against his skin, _you scared me you bloody idiot, don't do that again, ever, don't, don't you dare, I can't lose you, I won't, _and he grasps at her hands, lets her kiss his face, it occurs to him that he really did scare her, her body is shaking in under his hands and he wants to apologise, he's never seen her so shaken (he has, when she found that her mother had left, when his father died, when he left her), not for years, and he kisses her again, silences her with his lips, he traces her scars with his bandaged fingers and he doesn't want this to end, ever, he doesn't want to return to reality (he hasn't left it, he knows exactly what he is doing), he wants her.

They break away again and he rests his head against hers and holds her face and doesn't let her pull away though she makes no move to, her hands grasp his wrists and he can feel her breath against his face, warm and familiar and he's missed her, god he's missed her so much and he feels like he's going to break with the intensity of it.

She is the first to break the silence. 'What are we doing, Tenzin? What are we going to do?'

The question has haunted him for months, since that night she lost her bending and he comforted her and kissed her and he is not sure if she remembers that, but he does, the feel of her lips brought back memories of other kisses, ones where they knew exactly what they were doing and loved every second of it.

He kisses her again, hands on either side of her face, fingers curling in her hair, he kisses her to prevent her from asking anymore questions, he just wants to hold her and be held by her without thinking about anything else, just for a moment.

She lets him. Let's him because it is what he needs and she needs him and she nearly lost him, and she didn't think that the idea would frighten her as much as it did, she didn't realise how much he still meant to her, how much she loved him still. And she has no answer for her own question, she doesn't know what she is doing, but she kisses him back and tries to ignore her fears, for now, at least for now, and they will deal with the consequences another day.

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><p><em><strong>So, what do you think? Was it okay? Did I manage to convey how they felt well enough? I'm really not sure how I feel about this chapter, but I hope you all liked it, it was a real struggle to write. <strong>_

_**Please let me know what you think. Constructive criticism is welcome, though please no flames. **_

_**One other thing, is there anything you would like to see in the next chapter, or possible future chapters? Feel free to give suggestions :)**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thank you for the amazing feedback guys, it means the world to me. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that a lot of the requests involved smut, and I won't say that its not on the cards for the future. **_

_**So this was originally going to be the last chapter. The third time they comfort each other. But if this is received well enough, and if you do want another chapter or two, please just let me know, and I'll see what I can do.**_

_**There is a lot of Su/Lin sisterly bonding stuff in here, just because I love them both and there is not enough of them, and I think it fit well into the situation. **_

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><p><em><strong>So, this one gets a bit intense. Warning for mentions of violence. <strong>_

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><p><em><strong>3.<strong>_

Lin wakes with a start. She'd slept lightly, barely slept at all, her head is full of images that only belong in nightmares, but they are real, they were real, her sister nearly died and she nearly lost Tenzin, and she made a choice and she isn't sure if she can live with that, that guilt burning in her chest. But she does not regret it, not at all, and she tightens her arms around her sister, pulls her closer in a tangle of limbs and they have not slept like this since they were children, very young children before the rivalry started, before their differences pushed them apart, but she nearly lost her, and she needs the reassurance that she is not gone, that she did manage to save her in time, she _needs_ it.

Su sleeps fitfully. Her brow is furrowed and she is trembling faintly, hands clutching tight at her sister even in sleep, and Lin burns when she looks at her, burns with rage and grief and horror. She traces the mottled bruises on her sister's skin, her touch feather light as her fingers skim over the cuts and abrasions. They slip from her jaw to her neck, to the gauze keeping the jagged wound closed; she cups her sister's neck gently, covering the blue black marks of strangulation. Su will have scars eerily similar to her sister's when the wounds on her neck heal.

Lin thinks that she has only ever experienced true terror twice in her life. The first was a brief flash, a moment of ice cold fear in her heart as she stared up at the burning air temple, and realised that Tenzin was up there somewhere in the flames. Her defence mechanism kicked in and she was able to bury the emotion beneath the adrenaline pumping through her veins, but she remembers that moment, remembers how her blood froze, how her hands shook, and she let Tenzin know exactly how much he scared her as she pressed kisses to his face, gentle and loving and sometimes she thinks that she has grown soft in her old age.

But true terror, terror that lasted for more than a brief moment came to her that day, in a moment when she realised that she was about to lose her sister after just reconciling with her, and it was a terror that shot through her like a burst of adrenaline, burned behind her eyes and her ears are still echoing with her sister's screams, and she almost wishes that she could've drawn out that man's death because no one hurts her baby sister, it's an attitude she's always had even when their relationship became difficult.

She can still see it, it's burned behind her eyes, strange little details that nag at her and bring everything rushing back. The way the muscles in his forearm tensed when he twisted his weapon, her hand trails down and hovers over the wound she knows is concealed underneath Su's shirt, beneath a thick layer of bandages and she doesn't think she's ever seen so much blood before, welling up behind the blade. The way Su's neck strained as she screamed, she's never heard her sister scream before, never, not even when they were children, and she never wants to hear the sound again, it tore into her eardrums. The way his hand tightened around her sister's neck, the glimmer of the platinum claws shaped around his fingers, the blood that stained her skin for a moment, and the shock of it, the shock, and she remembers how everything in the world narrowed, focused on a single point, on the metal band he wore around his ring finger, it was a weakness she had not expected but she didn't think twice and it's been a long, long time since she's killed someone, she's not really aware of it happening, just that the band around his finger was calling to her, and then it was gone, and he'd fallen to his knees and she was aware that he was dead, and she didn't think to question it.

It was only later, when she moved to look at his body that she saw the thin point of metal protruding from his forehead, and realised what she'd done, that she'd ripped the ring from his finger and reshaped it into something long and deadly, and even with the bile rising in her throat, because she's never liked spilling blood, she didn't regret it, because she knows that he was a second away from killing her sister, from ripping those claws across her throat and her mind has recreated that moment over and over. Someone said that Su was lucky, but she wasn't, she wasn't, because that man knew what he was doing when he stabbed her, knew that it would not kill her, and she saw the pleasure he took in suffering and she wants to rewind the clock and rewrite his death, she wants him to suffer, because Su is trembling beside her, whimpering in her sleep and she is lucky to be alive, and Lin thanks that moment of terror, that burning shot of adrenaline, because her brain was so clouded by fear and horror that she wouldn't have seen that ring, half obscured by the claws and the cuff of his sleeve. She came so close to losing Su that it scares her, it is a cold hand around her throat, and her hands tighten around her sister's back and she tries to reassure her, gentle words and soothing noises, and Su clings to her and Lin's eyes are burning with tears now, not anger and she's finding it difficult to breathe, emotion tightens her throat but her chest aches where she was struck. Kya said that she was terribly lucky too, lucky that the blow didn't completely shatter her ribs and pierce her lungs, and she'd remained stoic and silent as the waterbender healed her, because she wouldn't take that move back either, she was protecting someone she loved and that is what she does, she makes sacrifices when she can because she values her life so little in comparison.

She wants to scream and rage because of what that man nearly did, and she wants to sob because there were causalities, and she couldn't save them all, and it wasn't really a conscious decision, she barely managed to save Su as it was, but the responsibility and guilt rests on her shoulders, because she saved one mother but another family has been ripped apart and she blames herself, blames herself for the death of that gentle woman. There may have been history between them but she never wanted that, she would've died to stop it, but that man lived for suffering and he tried to make her chose between the two people who had so much to live for and she was aware of how helpless she was, how powerless to stop Pema's death, and the man's laughter rings in her ears, and the woman's lifeless eyes are burned into her memory and suddenly she feels ill, she's going to be sick.

She throws herself from the bed and sprints across the room, leaving Su to curl up on herself, shivering and dead to the world, she manages to get to the corridor before she's dry heaving, there is nothing to lose because she couldn't force herself to eat, but her throat burns and her eyes burn and she can't get the image out of her head, can't forget, can't forget Tenzin's stricken face when he realised what had happened, and she couldn't read anything beyond the sudden surge of grief, did he blame her, does he blame her? She doesn't know if she can live with that and she's so desperately sorry, she would've sacrificed herself before willingly tearing that family to pieces, they mean more to her than she can describe, those children who can be irritating but are loving and beautiful, whose cries of _Aunt Lin! _never fail to bring a smile to her face, and god she's so sorry so desperately sorry. It is crushing, the guilt, she feels like the air is thick and heavily, and she's so distressed that she doesn't notice she has company until she feels a hand on her shoulder, and she's so startled that she leaps back, hands raised to fight, and the hands on her shoulders are rough and callused and familiar. It's Tenzin, his face lined with concern and he shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be looking at her like that, with concern and worry and something like love, it's her fault that his wife is gone, that his children are motherless, the grief burning behind his eyes is there because of her, and she wants to scream at him.

Instead, she steps back, lowers her hands, and gets a hold on her stomach. He watches the process and he can see right through her, he can see the guilt in her eyes, it sharpens the green, and he wants to tell her that it isn't her fault, none of it is, but he's startled by a sound from the room behind her. He looks over her shoulder, sees Su curled there like a child, and he remembers what she nearly lost, he knows how badly Su was injured, knows that Lin blames herself for that too. 'How is she?' it's a whisper in the dark, he can barely make Lin out for the shadows, but he sees her flinch, she thinks he hates her now, he can see it written all over her face when she moves into the faint light to get a better view of her sister, and he wants to shake her, she can't take responsibility for everything, she can't take this on her shoulders, it is not her burden to bear.

Lin worries her lip, chapped and dry, she has her own bruises, her own marks of that day, there are bruises scattered across her jaw, across her angular cheekbones, her left arm is bandaged and the bandage is stained, there is a cut beneath her eye and a long slice across her collarbone, he knows that her ribs were broken, can see how tight and measured her breathes are, the bulge of the bandage beneath her shirt, and it frightens him how close he came to losing her, too. 'She's alive. Barely, but it's all that matters'. Barely is the key word, he's never seen someone so close to death before, it took Katara and Korra and Kya to save Su and even then it was close, and when Su woke up halfway through the process and demanded that they go help the others Tenzin was reminded so strongly of Toph that he physically started. But everything seems strange and muffled to him after that day, it's as if his grief has dulled the world, he saw something similar happen to his mother after his father died, it was as if she became unresponsive to the world, to any effort to comfort her, and he's aware that the same has happened to him, aware that he's shrugged off comfort and help, he doesn't want it, his focus has been his children, and any comfort directed at him he redirects towards his children, they need it far more than he. Lin was the only point of brightness in the darkness, and he wonders if he should feel bad about that, but he does not.

He was one of the people who made sure that Su's children were kept out of the infirmary, uninjured as they were, it was a distraction, but they knew something terrible had happened, he'd looked straight into Opal's eyes and seen that she knew, and he'd been thankful when Bolin rushed over to comfort her, unusually serious and grave, because if she'd asked he wouldn't have been able to deny her the truth. He can remember their ashen faces, remember the way her twins, bruised and bloodied but unharmed, had turned to each other and burst into tears, they are children after all, and god so many of them are children, Korra is just a child after all, and his children, his children have lost their mother and, and…

'I'm so sorry, Tenzin. I'm so, so sorry'. It takes him a moment to realise that Lin is speaking to him, and the guilt in her eyes is terrible to see, terrible, and he shakes his head, shakes it forcefully, takes Lin by the hand and pulls her from the corridor and into the night, his throat burning with words unsaid and promises long broken.

They sit on the edge of the island, legs dangling over the cliff, and it is only then, with the crash of the sea below them and the silence of the island ringing behind them that he turns to her. 'It was not your fault, Lin', he's surprised by how angry he sounds, how furious, he can't have her blaming herself, he can't, 'none of it was'. And he's trying to focus on that, trying to focus on needing to take her guilt from her, because he can't focus on the reason for her guilt otherwise his own will come rushing back along with his grief.

And she's shaking her head and when she speaks she sounds terrible, he knows what guilt feels like, he felt responsible when her bending was taken and he knows how she feels but it's worse, far worse, because Pema is gone and she blames herself for it and he hates it, he's never really truly hated a man before but he hates that man, hates him, hates him for Pema, hates him for Lin, for Su, hates him for the children who will never be the same. He reaches over and takes her face in his hands, gently because she was injured that day no matter her protests, and forces her to look at him. 'Know this. I do not blame you. No one does. But if it helps you, if it helps you understand, I forgive you'.

Her eyes flutter shut just for a moment, a moment, and her features soften and she no longer looks guilty, and she is beautiful, shockingly so. She reaches up and takes his hands and now she's looking at him with eyes that burn with understanding, and he's burning, the burn in his throat is real. She doesn't say anything, but the look is enough, and when she reaches up towards him and wraps her arms around his neck and pulls him down towards her it's too much, and he has been keeping the tears at bay for as long as he could but here, in the arms of the woman who he has always and will always love, who understands, who sat here with him in the days after Aang's passing, he is powerless. Lin holds him silently as he cries, remains quiet until he starts to speak, his words tumbling over his sobs, 'it was my fault it was my fault I'm to blame, all of it is my fault, Lin god I'm so sorry'.

She pushes him up, off her shoulder, grabs his face, eyes wide, 'what the hell are you talking about?'

And she sees it there, when his eyes flicker down to her chest, to the places her ribs were broken, beneath her bandages her skin is marred by bruises and lacerations, and she remembers saving him like a distant dream, remembers throwing herself in front of him and the crunch of her armour cracking, but it's a blur after that, and _oh_, after that she was captured, after that she was in that place with that man and Pema was killed and her sister was about to follow and she'd almost forgotten, and he's already speaking again, crying, screaming, 'if you hadn't, if I hadn't been so distracted and so blind if I'd been more attentive you wouldn't have had to save me and you wouldn't have been captured and you wouldn't feel so guilty and I, I…' he's sobbing again and he hasn't cried this much since his father died, and Lin was there to comfort him then and she's here now and it seems to be a reflex, going to her for comfort, she's always understood him and she's always known what to say. She's speechless now because she doesn't understand how he made that connection, how he can blame himself, and she doesn't know the worst of it, she doesn't know that Pema was captured because she'd stormed away from him in a fury, because he'd told her that he couldn't go on, loving Lin and trying to remain apart from her, he'd tried to tell her that he'd nearly lost her and they couldn't keep coming that close to losing each other and he _loved _her and something needed to be done about it. She doesn't know that it is his fault that Pema was there, because if he'd waited another god damn day, chosen his words more carefully, gone after her instead of deciding to give her space, she wouldn't be dead. And there is a whisper at the back of his mind, a whisper, _at least she didn't die in the dark_ and he hates it he hates it he hates this he loved Pema even if it was different, he loved her but he _loves _Lin and he hates this he hates this he hates it.

Lin pulls him back into her embrace and he sobs against her, his back bows from the intensity of it, he wants to disappear into her embrace and it's too much, all of it, he feels like he did when his father died, worse, there was no guilt in him then and he feels like he's drowning from it, Lin's arms are strong around him and he hears her wince when his head knocks against her chest and god he nearly lost her and why does she have to be so selfless and self-sacrificing, why can't she put herself first sometimes, she's always been like this and it always worried him. 'I don't know what to do, Lin, I don't know what to do'.

And he doesn't and it scares him, where is he meant to go from here, his children are motherless and he has lost his wife and he did love Pema, he did, but he loves Lin too, loves her desperately, the future is a blur to him. Lin's arms tighten around him, he can feel her tears on his skin, she runs her fingers over his tattoos, it's always comforted him, her touch, and he wonders if she knows what she's doing, if she knows that it anchors him, or if it's just a reflex action. 'For now', her voice breaks and he wants to take the burden from her but anymore will crush him, he feels like he's breaking apart. 'For now, you need to grieve, Tenzin. You need to grieve and you need to help your children, and…' she trails off and she doesn't know what to say, she feels utterly useless.

He pulls himself up, takes her face in his hands, searches her expression and she reaches up to brush his tears away, her touch is soft and gentle and loving, that is it, it is loving and something, some barrier has been removed from behind her eyes and he can see how much she loves him, and they both know the futility of hiding such feelings now, life is short and so bitterly fragile and they've nearly lost each other so many times, and it is like a lifeline to his soul. 'Will you help me?' He doesn't know if he can do this alone, doesn't know if he can grieve and be there for his children and he is so thankful that his sister and his mother decided to stay, to help his children and ensure that the injured were recovering, he is thankful for Korra, who despite her own injuries takes the time to play with his children and he feels utterly useless sometimes these days.

She nods, there is no hesitation, god he is so thankful for her, so desperately thankful and he loves her, it is the only warmth he can feel amongst this tide of grief and pain and guilt, and it is the one thing he is not guilty for, loving her, he sees no crime in it. 'If you need me, I'll stay'.

And he does need her, he does. He was watching the other day when she took the time to be with his children, he's never seen her like that before, never seen her as a maternal figure, but there she was, playing with his children without a care in the world, sitting on the ground with her eyes closed while his children crept towards her, feet not touching the ground, and she did not protest every time they jumped on her, and they were gentle with her still, aware of her injuries. And she sat there with them when they grew tired and told them stories of their grandparents and her mother and the adventures they had, of their father in his younger years, and watching them had made him realise how much his children had gravitated towards her since their mother's passing, how much they seemed to need her too. He nods, 'I do, I need you, Lin, please'.

She nods again, nods and her heart is breaking for him. 'I'll stay'. Truth be told he is not the first to ask her to, his children pleaded with her the other day, Jinora's expression was so unlike her siblings, serious and sad and she's never been one to initiate hugs but she did then, scooping the girl into her embrace without a second thought, and it occurs to her that Jinora is probably the only one of her siblings who really understands what has happened to her mother, and it is a burden she should not have to bear, and if she can help the girl she will. Later still, Katara looked up at her from checking her wounds and changing her bandages, and had asked if she'd stay for them, had seen the way she'd been with the children, had asked if she'd stay for Tenzin, and it wasn't really a question, and she hadn't been able to meet the older woman's eyes when Katara had said that he needed her. It's a concept she isn't really used to, being needed. No one has ever really needed her before.

She kisses his tears away like she did when his father died, her lips are rough against his skin and it sends a shiver through his body and he kisses her, kisses her with desperation and need and love and it is brief and sweet and he loves her and he cannot help but wonder how on earth he fooled himself for so long. He buries his face in her shoulder, weary of her cuts and bruises and the injuries she took for the people she cares for and feels her pulse against his skin, and lets it comfort him. If it is a reflex, going to her for comfort, it's not one he is likely to break soon.

They sit there for hours, ignoring the bitter cold, and it's as if he's been waiting for this moment, because now that he's started he can't seem to stop, it is the first time he has cried since that day, but he somehow doubts it will be the last. His sobs are full of muffled words and she can make out a few of them, _thank you thank you thank you, I'm so sorry, I loved her I did, I love you, _and she lets him, lets him sob and scream and cry and does not say a word.

Eventually it stops, it has to stop at some point, he's exhausted and he feels empty now but he feels better. She helps him up, helps him stumble back to his room, to the bed he shares with his children now, they move to make room for him without waking, and she helps move the sheets around them, and she presses a kiss to Tenzin's forehead, but she does not say a word.

* * *

><p>Su is still asleep when she returns, but she stirs as she slips beneath the sheets again, shifts closer, her eyes heavy with sleep, 'where did you go?'<p>

She sounds weak and fragile, and she is, she hasn't been able to leave her bed since this happened, she hasn't yet recovered and it will take time, she sounds like a child, and Lin moves closer to her, wraps her uninjured arm around her shoulders, 'someone needed me'.

A smile tugs at Su's mouth, a tiny movement that she almost misses, and she ducks her head to rest against her sister's shoulder again, her nose pressed to her collarbone, hair brushing Lin's chin. Her arm goes around Lin, tightens on her shirt, she's never acted like this before but she needs Lin's presence and the reassurance that she is alive just as much as her sister needs hers. She breathes carefully, every movement she makes pulls at the wound in her side, she can barely move her neck without reliving the burning pain of that day, and when she speaks Lin barely hears her, it's so quiet, 'you sound surprised'.

Lin does not reply, she can't, being here again is reminding her of what nearly happened, and she tightens her embrace as much as she can without hurting Su, she can still feel Tenzin's lips against her own, her shoulder is still damp from his tears, she nearly lost the two people who mean the most to her in the world, and she doesn't quite register Su's implication at first. Su laughs, a breathy, pained sound that halts quickly, 'you've always been needed, Lin. You never did seem to realise that'.

It's Lin's turn to laugh, bitter and humourless, 'there was always a lot of evidence that showed me I wasn't', why can't she let it lie, why can't she accept Su's words, she's not sure why but it has always been something that nagged at her at the very back of her mind, a small soft voice that was born when Tenzin left her, born from her insecurity about whether she was making her mother proud.

Su looks up, pain twists her expression at the action, she moved too quickly, and she holds up a hand to indicate that she is fine, presses it against her neck to check that her wound has not reopened. Then she fixes Lin with a searching gaze, cups her sister's cheek, worries her lip, 'Lin…', she doesn't know what to say, she didn't realise how much it bothered her, but she knows it's not true, people have always needed her, but it wasn't something you could voice, she can't prove that others have needed her however true it might be, so she settles with something that Lin and not refute, 'I need you, I've always needed you'.

Something flashes in Lin's eyes, hurt, her words are biting and sharp, 'we didn't speak for almost thirty years, Su, cut the crap'. She doesn't mean to be so harsh, but she has always been one for lashing out when she's hurt, and it is a wound that runs very deep, the lost years between them, she's forgiven Su (not out loud, not yet), but it's an old, old scar that still pains her.

Even Su is startled by the tears that suddenly bloom in her eyes, she pushes away from Lin to sit up with some difficulty, and already Lin is moving with her, a hand on her back to keep her steady, Su hisses through her teeth, a hand coming to rest on the wound on her side, the tears that fall from her lashes are not just ones of pain. Su was always the more emotional of the sisters, Lin's built from iron and steel while Su is earth and sand, but she's never been one to cry much, she threw tantrums when she was younger but rarely cried, Lin practically raised her and Lin never cried, and that was because their mother didn't, and Lin's always tried to live up to her mother's expectations, but this has torn down every wall she has, she's been traumatised and she feels like a child again, and she can't help the tears, because she loves Lin and she's never forgiven herself for what she did, however calmly she may have faced Lin's accusations, however much she may have talked about forgiveness and moving on, it's like a rock lodged in her heart.

Lin looks incredibly guilty, she brushes Su's tears away with gentle fingers, she was so badly injured that day that she feels like she will break her if she holds her too tightly, neither of them are fragile dolls of porcelain and glass but even the strongest cannot stand unmoving forever, everyone has their breaking points, and Lin has been so beaten down over the last months, losing her bending, seeing her sister again, reconciling, nearly losing Tenzin, twice now, the fragile rekindling of a relationship that frightened them both, and at the moment she sees little point in concealing her emotions, not for these people, not for the people she would die for, and Su nearly died, and that can shake anyone's walls. 'I'm sorry, Su, that was…unkind of me'.

Su shakes her head, goes to before she remembers that the movement will only cause her pain, and it is so unbelievably frustrating, this inability to move how she wants to. 'No, no you're right. I've never really… I do need you, Lin. I need you in my life. I can't, we can't go back to how things were, that silence was, it was… you practically raised me you know, and I can't…' she has years and years of unspoken words tumbling around in her head, she used to imagine reconciling with her sister, used to picture the moment and plan what she would say, and she doesn't know how to explain it, she doesn't know how to put what she feels into words. 'I did need you. When we were growing up I needed you so much and I didn't like that I needed you. I'm a Beifong', she laughs, the sound is still pained, humourless, and bitter, 'we're not supposed to _need_ anyone'.

She puts a hand up to her face, presses it against her lips, the emotion threatens to burst from her and Lin thinks it's almost unreal, to think that she is the one comforting people today, she, the strong and cold and unfeeling Chief of Police, but she loves Su and she loves Tenzin and she has never been unfeeling in their eyes, however much they may have made her think that. She holds Su as tightly as she can without hurting her, the woman is still fighting back her tears, and Lin thinks it might be the trauma of the whole ordeal that's causing this, this sudden heart to heart, and however much she might not be good at talking about her feelings part of her is aware that this needs to happen. Su grasps at Lin's shirt, the fingers of her left hand are bandaged and swollen, 'Lin, Lin, I'm so sorry for what happened that day. I'm so sorry for every bitter thing that I said to you, for every time I lashed out, I just…' She trails off, reaches up and touches her sister's scars lightly, Lin lets her, lets her because she can see the pain in Su's eyes, the guilt, and there is far too much guilt in the air tonight, her own and Tenzin's and now Su's, and she watches the tears spill over to run down her sister's cheeks, and the younger woman buries her face against her sister's collarbone, the sob that escapes her sounds pained, and the hatred Lin has for that man surges up from the back of her mind, Su can barely move without being pained. She wraps her arms around her sister and ignores her own injuries as Su muffles her cries in her shirt, and she suddenly remembers a time when they were young, before they grew apart, when Su came home from school in tears because someone had called her and her sister bastard children, and Lin remembers the desire to tear those kids apart, and it is a similar feeling that roars in her chest now. 'I love you, Lin, and I'm so sorry'.

Lin closes her eyes, this is the second time that night that someone has expressed that they love her, the second time that someone has said that they need her, and it's almost too much, she feels like she is choking; she is not even surprised when her own tears come. She came so close to losing everything and somehow they are still here, still alive, Tenzin and Su and they are all that matter to her in the world, they and those children of his, she hates to admit that they have a place in her heart, there are others of course but if she starts listing the people she cares for she won't be able to stop, because she's always loved people, always cared, she just pretended she didn't, there are Tenzin's siblings and the Avatar, that poor girl who has been through so much and still stands strong, and others, there are always others, but she nearly lost Tenzin and she nearly lost Su, the two people she loves with all she is, and she swears to herself that she will never let it come that close again, she will not, no matter what it takes. 'I love you too, Su'.

She holds her sister while she cries, and thinks that one day she will direct those words at Tenzin, and one day she won't be afraid to. Maybe one day she'll stop worrying about losing them, too.

* * *

><p><em><strong>So, what do you think?<strong>_

_**This was a really delicate chapter I think. Like it's an incredibly difficult situation for them both. I dont know, but I think it was okay. Please let me know what you think! Constructive criticism is always welcome. And do let me know if you want another chapter, and as I have no idea what I'd put in it, except for perhaps less angst (?), I'm open to requests :)**_


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